WOOT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWRvqO1MjIs
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Are people here just less interested
So a couple of weeks ago, I managed to lock myself out of my flat, I was doing laundry and thus was outside in the hallway in my socks without a jersey or my cellphone...so as i walk out the door having thought that I had disengaged my yale lock i hear the door click shut, but with arms full of just washed laundry I realise that sudddenly throwing it on the ground is going to accomplish nothing and I will just end up making more laundry for myself, I calmly place it in the tumble dryer, I managed to remember to bring the store cupboard key but not the house keys ? anyways, once inside the store cupboard I realise that there is a long legnth of shower door seal plastic lying on the ground, and that the slot in my front door is big enough for me to force 2/3 of my arm through, so I do and spend 20 minutes smelling my dinner burn and trying desperatly to get the door open before one of my neighbours calls the police on me cos I am clearly breaking in...eventually I opened the door to the flat and only the delivery man saw me although he sed nothing so either that kind of behaviour is normal in these here parts or they dont care very much if your being robbed by a shoeless individual...why you may ask did i not just knock on my next door neighbours door and ask to borrow their phone? I have no idea I didnt think of it before and by the time I did I was damned if that door was going to beat me!
And then yesterday, I climbed through a hole in the fence around my flat, and several people saw me do this...not one of them put up their hand cleared their throat and asked just exactly what I was doing...I mean...it was late, it was getting dark and I was clearly climbing through a hole in the fence...is this normal behavior in Scotland do you think? Or should I be concerned that apparently no one will ask the ax wielding murderer climbing through the fence what it is that he thinks he is doing?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Restaurant Rant
While I generally hate the generic idea that blogs are primarily a soap box for ranting I feel so strongly about this that I am going to rant here in the hopes that this restaurant will close down forever or send me lots of free goodies as an apology.
The previous post mentioned that 2 of our members are engaged and a couple of weekends ago (when the sun was still shining) 20 of us went to Jonkerhuis in Groot Constantia, Cape Town.
When we arrived there were two tables set out, each seating 10 people. We asked the manager if we could move the table together and have one table, since we all wanted to chat and celebrate together. We were told that this was impossible. When we asked why it became clear that this restaurant likes to serve everyone at a table at the about the same time and that the kitchen could not possibly do that for a table of 20. We replied that while we thought that that was a nice idea, we wouldn't mind if half the table ate before the other half.
We were angrily told that that was not how they operated in a very condescending tone. We then requested that the tables be moved closer together so that whilst we couldn't actually join we could be close enough to talk to each other. Apparently that was also an unreasonable request.
We eventually decided to sit separately and swap around every now and then. Which meant that people who ordered at one table were served at another, totally ruining their service plans. That showed them!
We managed to have a lovely time despite the rudeness of the manager, who also rudely told us to get out because other people were coming soon. The food was good although a little overpriced but the stupidity of the managing staff ruined my experience there. I will definitely not be going back.
The previous post mentioned that 2 of our members are engaged and a couple of weekends ago (when the sun was still shining) 20 of us went to Jonkerhuis in Groot Constantia, Cape Town.
When we arrived there were two tables set out, each seating 10 people. We asked the manager if we could move the table together and have one table, since we all wanted to chat and celebrate together. We were told that this was impossible. When we asked why it became clear that this restaurant likes to serve everyone at a table at the about the same time and that the kitchen could not possibly do that for a table of 20. We replied that while we thought that that was a nice idea, we wouldn't mind if half the table ate before the other half.
We were angrily told that that was not how they operated in a very condescending tone. We then requested that the tables be moved closer together so that whilst we couldn't actually join we could be close enough to talk to each other. Apparently that was also an unreasonable request.
We eventually decided to sit separately and swap around every now and then. Which meant that people who ordered at one table were served at another, totally ruining their service plans. That showed them!
We managed to have a lovely time despite the rudeness of the manager, who also rudely told us to get out because other people were coming soon. The food was good although a little overpriced but the stupidity of the managing staff ruined my experience there. I will definitely not be going back.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Book club 22 April
In an attempt to be healthy, our food theme this month was salads. All this meant was that we stuffed ourselves spherical with *some veggies, and only like 40% cake and junk food. Massive improvement! The other members will be posting their yummy salad recipes soon (or face my wrath). I made a fruit salad which is not exactly rocket science so no need for me to post a recipe (success!).
Of note this month is that two of our members are currently engaged, which is an increase of 20% from the last meeting we attended. Les verrouiller, Mesdames! I am guessing this means that book club will be more along the lines of 'Weddingsdinnermenweddingsbooks' for the next little while, but c'est la vie!
Two people brought the same book to lend out, Douglas Adam's 'Mostly harmless' which surely must reccommend this work as worth a read. I finally completed the Farseer trilogy (Robin Hobb) with a resounding 'Meh', and the 'Dirty bits for girls' (India Knight) is still making the rounds. We started a new book club game this month, called 66,6 or 88,8 depending on which is funnier. Basically each month we will feature a piece made up entirely of the 6th sentence on the 66th page of each of our books. Dirty bits did its part marvellously this month with something about gaping lady bits, however the entirity of the quote is lost to the sands of time as nobody thought to write it down. Next time, we promise.
Thats all for book club this month, our non book club book club event is going to be a girlie night this Thursday so with the many conflicting viewpoints on what constitutes appropriately girly movies I am sure it will be marvellous. If I didn't know the ladies better my contribution would be the movie 'Sunshine', however I have watched one book club member sit through 'Event Horizon' and I don't want to put her through that again, so perhaps something slightly less terrifying will suffice.
Happy reading!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Procession of the Dead
Ok, so I've been feeling really guilty about not posting, so I decided to cheat and look up an old review that I'd already done to try and relieve my conscience. I found a brief review (more of a synopsis really) I did of Procession of the Dead, which I have bought to book club, for the Calgary Herald around April 2008. YIKES! That's two years ago already! Do I pass?... (an apologies for the atrocious grammar in the above sentence. I'm tired, ok?)
When discussing it later, I think I may have been overly harsh in my critique of this book, as 'ol D.B.'s publicists tried to liken him to My Darling Gaiman, and D.B. should tell them not to do that, as no one can live up to Him. The book is worth a read, I guess...
Procession of the Dead
D.B. Shan
D.B. Shan's revision of his first book in The City Trilogy, Procession of the Dead, starts as a cliché yarn about wannabe-gangster Capac Raimi who comes to the city to find his fortune in the underworld. Quickly he is snapped up by The Cardinal, the nefarious kingpin of the city, and a fantastic story of mystical intrigue unfolds as a friend of Capac's goes missing and Capac discovers there's no evidence he ever existed. The mystery spurs him on in a quest to find out about inexplicable lapses in his own memories, and, in the process, he learns the unbelievable truth about how the Cardinal keeps his hold on the city. The story, told from Capac's point of view, is filled with colourful characters, imaginative details and a compelling storyline.
When discussing it later, I think I may have been overly harsh in my critique of this book, as 'ol D.B.'s publicists tried to liken him to My Darling Gaiman, and D.B. should tell them not to do that, as no one can live up to Him. The book is worth a read, I guess...
Procession of the Dead
D.B. Shan
D.B. Shan's revision of his first book in The City Trilogy, Procession of the Dead, starts as a cliché yarn about wannabe-gangster Capac Raimi who comes to the city to find his fortune in the underworld. Quickly he is snapped up by The Cardinal, the nefarious kingpin of the city, and a fantastic story of mystical intrigue unfolds as a friend of Capac's goes missing and Capac discovers there's no evidence he ever existed. The mystery spurs him on in a quest to find out about inexplicable lapses in his own memories, and, in the process, he learns the unbelievable truth about how the Cardinal keeps his hold on the city. The story, told from Capac's point of view, is filled with colourful characters, imaginative details and a compelling storyline.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Generic fantasy writers unite!
So the other day I picked up a fantasy book, not going to mention names will probably review it later. And found a young man with a strange heritage he knew nothing about given some crazy quest with some magic talisman and a hearty band of travellers to help him through his hardships. Surprise surprise this band did not stay together for long and split up, leaving our hero with only his bestest friend for support. And I thought, this sounds familiar. And then it hit me, it was familiar. I have been reading variants of this book for years. So I decided to try my hand at writing a fantasy by drawing pieces of paper out of a hat to create my own story.
All words in bold are replaceable and were drawn out of a hat:
Our main character Steve was rudely taken from his budding career as a carpenter by a strange old man. He was given a powerful amulet that is the only weapon against Drollive a power and ancient wizard. Forced to flee his small village, Steve meets up with some friends, a bashful dwarf, an intrepid hunter and a claustrophobic elf. Of course Steve is also backed up by his best friend Lap who he has closeted homoerotic dreams about.
So off the merry travellers go. Steve has doubts about his ability to harness the amulet, but is reassured. Battles follow. People die. But luckily not our band of merry men. Off they plod on this very long journey and has been mentioned in another post all other methods of travel not being an option.
Unfortunately Steve and Lap are left to fend for themselves when the rest of the band are called away to fight an army of rabid mountain trolls. They toil alone until coming undetected to Drollive's lair, whereby Steve activates the amulet and destroys Drollive using and act of kindness. Everyone is saved and they all live happily ever after but are changed for the better by their experiences.
Hmm not bad, now I just need to flesh it out and I will be rich.
Don't get me wrong I love my fantasy and I am an avid reader. But the more you read the more you see this pattern start to repeat itself. That's why a unique fantasy is a rare find and I hope that some of these will be reviewed here.
All words in bold are replaceable and were drawn out of a hat:
Our main character Steve was rudely taken from his budding career as a carpenter by a strange old man. He was given a powerful amulet that is the only weapon against Drollive a power and ancient wizard. Forced to flee his small village, Steve meets up with some friends, a bashful dwarf, an intrepid hunter and a claustrophobic elf. Of course Steve is also backed up by his best friend Lap who he has closeted homoerotic dreams about.
So off the merry travellers go. Steve has doubts about his ability to harness the amulet, but is reassured. Battles follow. People die. But luckily not our band of merry men. Off they plod on this very long journey and has been mentioned in another post all other methods of travel not being an option.
Unfortunately Steve and Lap are left to fend for themselves when the rest of the band are called away to fight an army of rabid mountain trolls. They toil alone until coming undetected to Drollive's lair, whereby Steve activates the amulet and destroys Drollive using and act of kindness. Everyone is saved and they all live happily ever after but are changed for the better by their experiences.
Hmm not bad, now I just need to flesh it out and I will be rich.
Don't get me wrong I love my fantasy and I am an avid reader. But the more you read the more you see this pattern start to repeat itself. That's why a unique fantasy is a rare find and I hope that some of these will be reviewed here.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The weird sex trifecta: a review
I have whiled away some time in the last few weeks reading a trilogy of books that offers a unique, perhaps slightly skewed, perspective on sexuality. I only realised mid way through the third one that I had completed some sort of beginners course in the sexual behaviour of the human being, which made me sit back and go 'Cor, we are dirty buggers!'. The three books that lead me to this conclusion were 'The lives of the English rakes' by Fergus Linnane; 'Snuff' by Chuck Palahniuk, and 'Candy Girl' by Diablo Cody. Understandably these three will inevetably lead to that conclusion, its not like I was reading 'Monogomy for beginners', but I really like the stinky underbelly presented in these books since it is closer to the reality than a lot of people would like to admit.
The Lives of the Enlish rakes by Fergus Linnane is a non-fiction account of the sexual misadventures of upper class English men, spanning from 1660 to the 1900s. Since I never studied history at school and have an extremely limited knowlege of the English history, I had to gloss over sections relating to things like Oliver Cromwell and some sort of civil war. I know this is a bad thing on my part, but it says something for the book that a complete cretin like me could be drawn in and held captively interested for the duration even though there were some bits that made me go 'eh?'. Anyway, so the definition of a rake is, as best as I can put it: a gentleman who drinks, womanises and enjoys life to the full - but there is something more to it, a sort of cavalier attitude that is immediately endearing and goes some way to explaining why even the most outrageous behaviour was only met with tuts from the court - of course, that is before Queen Victoria's time. Queen Victoria did for the rakes what MacDonalds has done to the fast food industry: eliminated all competative viewpoints until only the one (hers) exists. Her viewpoint happened to be something along the lines of 'sex is ikcy!'. Anyway, this book describes the depraved doings of these daredevil dandys cleverly and in such a way that you forget you are reading an historical documentation. I like how, on the surface, it seems like the role of the woman in the English court was to stand fanning yourself and saying 'Lah, sir!' coquettishly to the nearest fop; but when you get down to it a lot of the public opinion and policy decisions of the upper class men was dictated by the activities of their mistresses. Certainly these woman controlled the cash flow situtation with a lot of very wealthy men, and in so doing surely in some way shaped the future of the country.
Three powdered wigs.
The second book, 'Snuff' by Chuckles Palahniuk, is totally awesome. It follows a porn star, Cassie Wright, who is trying to break the 'most sex in a day' world record by doing 600 men in a day. The book follows three of the men who make up the 600; Mr 72, Mr 137 and Mr 600; while they are waiting backstage for their 1 minute of allotted time with Ms Wright. Most of the dialogue is internal as the three men interact minimally with each other until their number is called. There isn't much actual sex, however, its more like extended foreplay building up to the moment on film. There are some hilarious porn film names, for example 'Gropes or Wrath' and 'Chitty chitty gang bang', and a good deal of 'insider' info on the porn industry, which makes me respect Mr Palahniuk's ability to really get into a topic and research the poop out of it, weeding out all the dirty little secrets it would seem the industry would prefer to remain secret. Or actually, they probably wouldn't really care because what is clear from this book is that sex sells, it always has and in all probability it always will.
Five bleeding hearts!
And, bringing the sexual revolution to a close is the honest and frank portrayal of the stripping industry 'Candy Girl' by Diablo Cody. Diablo writes very well, she has a lot of the flair in this book that was so prominent in her screenplays - which first endeared her to me after all. The issue here is I might have a sliiiiightly biased point of view on strippers... Besides the point, maybe, but Diablo Cody's account didn't exactly endear me to the industry. I mean, I totally understand her motives for doing what she did, and you could argue that she wasn't hurting anyone anyway; but for some reason I just find the whole thing a little dirty, a little seedy and a little too eager to please - maybe because thats what a stripper seems to be, for me anyway. Personal distate aside, it's a very well written book and funny in places, and I must say that the costumes she wears sound very cool. Anyway, I am aware that this review marks me down as some sort of prude and I would like to assure the reader that I am, in fact, not. She can shake her downstairs and get dudes to put money between her boobies (yukky money germs) and if that makes her happy, so be it. Gotta say though: dudes, your idea of sexuality is pretty warped. I have to conclude that the male psyche is more weird than we gave them credit for to begin with. Ladies: you thought that a lap dance was bad, check out a 'bed dance' if you really wanna be grossed out. Yeah, yeah, prude, I know.
3 nice clean pine beds.
The Lives of the Enlish rakes by Fergus Linnane is a non-fiction account of the sexual misadventures of upper class English men, spanning from 1660 to the 1900s. Since I never studied history at school and have an extremely limited knowlege of the English history, I had to gloss over sections relating to things like Oliver Cromwell and some sort of civil war. I know this is a bad thing on my part, but it says something for the book that a complete cretin like me could be drawn in and held captively interested for the duration even though there were some bits that made me go 'eh?'. Anyway, so the definition of a rake is, as best as I can put it: a gentleman who drinks, womanises and enjoys life to the full - but there is something more to it, a sort of cavalier attitude that is immediately endearing and goes some way to explaining why even the most outrageous behaviour was only met with tuts from the court - of course, that is before Queen Victoria's time. Queen Victoria did for the rakes what MacDonalds has done to the fast food industry: eliminated all competative viewpoints until only the one (hers) exists. Her viewpoint happened to be something along the lines of 'sex is ikcy!'. Anyway, this book describes the depraved doings of these daredevil dandys cleverly and in such a way that you forget you are reading an historical documentation. I like how, on the surface, it seems like the role of the woman in the English court was to stand fanning yourself and saying 'Lah, sir!' coquettishly to the nearest fop; but when you get down to it a lot of the public opinion and policy decisions of the upper class men was dictated by the activities of their mistresses. Certainly these woman controlled the cash flow situtation with a lot of very wealthy men, and in so doing surely in some way shaped the future of the country.
Three powdered wigs.
The second book, 'Snuff' by Chuckles Palahniuk, is totally awesome. It follows a porn star, Cassie Wright, who is trying to break the 'most sex in a day' world record by doing 600 men in a day. The book follows three of the men who make up the 600; Mr 72, Mr 137 and Mr 600; while they are waiting backstage for their 1 minute of allotted time with Ms Wright. Most of the dialogue is internal as the three men interact minimally with each other until their number is called. There isn't much actual sex, however, its more like extended foreplay building up to the moment on film. There are some hilarious porn film names, for example 'Gropes or Wrath' and 'Chitty chitty gang bang', and a good deal of 'insider' info on the porn industry, which makes me respect Mr Palahniuk's ability to really get into a topic and research the poop out of it, weeding out all the dirty little secrets it would seem the industry would prefer to remain secret. Or actually, they probably wouldn't really care because what is clear from this book is that sex sells, it always has and in all probability it always will.
Five bleeding hearts!
And, bringing the sexual revolution to a close is the honest and frank portrayal of the stripping industry 'Candy Girl' by Diablo Cody. Diablo writes very well, she has a lot of the flair in this book that was so prominent in her screenplays - which first endeared her to me after all. The issue here is I might have a sliiiiightly biased point of view on strippers... Besides the point, maybe, but Diablo Cody's account didn't exactly endear me to the industry. I mean, I totally understand her motives for doing what she did, and you could argue that she wasn't hurting anyone anyway; but for some reason I just find the whole thing a little dirty, a little seedy and a little too eager to please - maybe because thats what a stripper seems to be, for me anyway. Personal distate aside, it's a very well written book and funny in places, and I must say that the costumes she wears sound very cool. Anyway, I am aware that this review marks me down as some sort of prude and I would like to assure the reader that I am, in fact, not. She can shake her downstairs and get dudes to put money between her boobies (yukky money germs) and if that makes her happy, so be it. Gotta say though: dudes, your idea of sexuality is pretty warped. I have to conclude that the male psyche is more weird than we gave them credit for to begin with. Ladies: you thought that a lap dance was bad, check out a 'bed dance' if you really wanna be grossed out. Yeah, yeah, prude, I know.
3 nice clean pine beds.
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